Are You Trying To Hold On To Someone Who Is Pulling Away?

Our LINKS page

has some great sites

for you to visit but

here's some to get

you started now!

by Christine Akiteng

You met this wonderful person and the first date is great. After a couple of dates and he/she stops calling. You panic. When you manage to catch him/her on his/her cell, there is an awkward exchanges and he/she ends the brief exchange with the excuse that he/she is "too busy/ exhausted to talk" or "is currently an emotional wreck" or "is dealing with some career/business challenges" and promises to call or visit later. And he/she doesn't.

Your immediate reaction when you sense the other person is pulling away is to attempt a control strategy. A part of you tells you his/her behaviour is a flashing exit sign but uh-uhm, you somehow find a logical reason to justify his/her behaviour ("emotional residue" from an ex, growing up with an alcoholic mother or absent father etc.). You tell yourself that what he/she needs is your devotion, love and attention. So you send him/her emails urging him/her to hang in there, indulging, advising or affirming him/her. You constantly prod him/her for information even become aggressively obsessed with wanting to know what has caused him/her to "distance". You are in so much stress and panic you hang onto every little contact from him/her even if he/she is only contacting you to tell you he/she does not "feel the connection" the way you do.

This passive-aggressive behaviour only drives him/her further away. If you are giving till it hurts it is time to change. There is no real happiness and fulfillment in one-sided relationships! In only very few instances, does holding on work but only if you already have a long-tern relationship that is really great and he/she really wants to change - not for you but - because he/she feels he/she needs to change. But many times attempts at control strategies just lead to frustration.

Now before you start feeling like you're totally to blame, remember that you don't control the entire experience, date or relationship. Whether the date flourishes into a relationship or deteriorates isn't up to you alone. There are just some people who are not capable of a loving, caring, long term relationship and you just happen to be choosing the wrong kinds of people.

On my website I try to give invaluable insight into choosing the "right" people, including separating high-potential dates from energy drainers, types of relationships that will not last long, warning signs that you may be in a relationship in which you are loving him/her more than you are being loved, how to identify who is capable of give and take relationships, etc. My desire is for all of us to be able to choose partners we can have the pleasure of "playing" with rather than against or playing for.

About the Author: Christine Akiteng, Internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of ebook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™ helps men and women cultivate that NATURAL EASE that draws the opposite sex in - without the mental stress and emotional frustration of today's dating dynamics.